greetings to all my peeps. a few stories to tell you about today, all of which occurred today.

i had a question in my interview today about "what music do you enjoy listening to?" now if i said lemon jelly i would bet a ten pound note that she would have either said a) who the fuck are they? or b) no i said music not food. i had to improvise. quickly. i said i listened to rock. the interviewer then gave me a lecture about her experience of the last umpteen glastonbury festivals. big mistake. she whittled away for twenty odd minutes whilst i nodded in my almost sleep. why couldnt i have said i liked pop?

now, after my interview i had to wait a long time to be picked up. i was hungry. i got a mcdonalds. i then stood outside staples awaiting my pickup eat my fries when atleast seven, yes seven, sets of townies thought they would be comical and asked me "for a chip". i just stared at them. yea, as if i would ever offer them a chip. it makes me angry when they think theyre funny. theyre not. theyre also uneducated losers who think they are hard because they wear adidas tracksuits and have an earring. woooo. write that on your cv. then came a mid-aged couple who also thought theyd pop that original joke of "give us a chip". i was totally pissed off. i gave them a chip... by throwing it at them along with the words "here, have a fucking chip then".

i would like to apologise sincerely to the victim of the above paragraph. it was a crime that i would waste a chip at the expense of others. to all my chip peeps, it was a one off. it will never happen again. im sorry chips.

also, in light humour that only i will find funny, i stopped a police car in action today. at first three police cars came flashing i was curious. then came a forth. i was very curious. i spotted a fifth heading towards me about 500 yards away. i was near some traffic lights. i pressed the button. the lights went red. i started to cross. the police car was getting near. it had to slow down since i was mid-crossing the road. as i finished crossing, i took a glance over my shoulder to see the police car at an almost standstill. i laughed. i dont think they saw the funny side.

by the way, i didnt neeeeeeed to cross the road. in fact as soon as the police car was out of sight, i recrossed the road. mmm.

and that was a few short stories from your favourite idiot.

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

greetings to all my peeps. i know right now you might think of me as a part time blogger, but that will change very soon. in a couple of weeks my older brother will fuck off back to uni and leave me as the sole user of this wonderful computer. roll on that day.

ok, so since ive been on/off a fair bit these last few days, heres a couple of random .... things? i was looking for a better word, but i couldnt think of one. you know what i mean anyway. so here we go.

im gonna predict tonights big match. england 4, leichenstein 0. beckham to get booked and to cry at the end of the match. it will happen. mark my words. captain idiot is never wrong.

the an idiots guide to photos website is almost finished, as is the gnomes personal picture website. i will give links when all is finished.

im taking part in the gnomes cheese eating experiment. if you dont know, dont ask. if you do, then both dreams so far have been weird to say the least. monday nights cheese consumption was cheese on toast. tuesday nights cheese consumption was in the block type. tonights cheese will be eaten via a cheese string or two i think. either that or a cheese toastie. mmmm.... cheeeeeeeeese toastie. appealing isnt it? something cheesy is going on... ill report back on the end result at the end of the week.

dont run into a stack of boxes. a) its stupid b) it hurts when you fall over (though it doesnt hurt when you run into them).

captain idiot revealed his life plans to his mother on sunday. mother isnt very happy with idiots idea of living in canada. note to mother: its my life, not yours. if i was you i would have done any of the mistakes you made. why? because im captain idiot, and though im not perfect, im the closest damn thing to it.

job interview tomorrow. aw fuck... nuff said.

if you talk to me on msn messenger, ask me about the official captain idiot emoticons. they rule. i also made pissed off gnome emoticons, but hey, im biased so im gonna say mine are better. i might make some angry pete ones... key word: might.

hey hey ! finally started working on my bedroom. first four sheets of wallpaper is up. about bloody time if you asked me. all my stuff is scattered randomly around the house at the moment, so the sooner we wallpaper it the quicker i get my junk back in my bedroom. a bedroom isnt a bedroom without junk. especially my junk.

i broke my bed. again. i must have a bed jinx. thats four broken beds in the last year and a bit. if you want a new bed, get me to break your current one. just get in contact.

and now time for some mini-thoughts....

bbq crisps rule.
internet pop ups suck.
i rule at darts.
alcohol does not hinder my education.
if you blog, get one other person to blog. if you dont blog, blog. keep the chain moving. we need new interesting blogs, and not blogs like this.
keith is a fool. re: the blogasm incident. dont slander pog. would he ever do a thing like that?
brothers suck. brothers girlfriends suck. just because the computer is in your room doesnt mean its yours and it doesnt give you the power to tell me when i can or cannot use the computer. if you wanna "do stuff" do it elsewhere.
why do i keep saying motherfucker?
i soooooo rule.
kingdom hearts for the ps2 is soooo addictive.

im gonna go try and finish this photo gallery off. so until next time peeps.......

so yea.... go and rub your magic lamp
word life
captain idiot

greetings to all my peeps. so heres a question to you all. what do the following things have in common?

ambidextrous scallywags
megalomaniacal dipsomaniac
unmerciless politician
flibbertigibbet boogers
antiestablishmentarianism psycho

theyre all googlewhacks. whats a goodlewhack? its when you type in any two words on google and only one result is the outcome. both words must be in the dictionary. its quite addictive. when youve found a googlewhack, you can whack it on the stack by going to www.googlewhack.com

in fact it sooooo addictive, im off to googlewhack some more.

so yea... go rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

grtings to all of my pps. as you can tll a crtain lttr on my kyboard isnt working proprly, which mans that you wont b abl to undrstand this blog unlss you ar vry clvr or suprman. th only way i can gt th bloody ky to work is if i rally bang th lttr down.

** cu captain idiot banging on th lttr "" on th kyboard **

ah, slight problm. now th lttr is fuckd so much that i can bang it down. i thinks i nds a nw kyboard. i think i bttr sign off hr bfor i brak anymor lttrs tonight. if you cant rad this mssag, ill rwrit it tomorrow whn i gt a nw kyboard.

so ya... go and rub your magic lamp
word lif and out
captain idiot

greetings to all of my peeps. now lately ive been thinking about women. ok, i know, nothing new there. but its not what they look like, its what they say. and now i believe i have enough evidence to show that women do say the stupidest things. i tried to find a word to brand a stupid woman phrase, but alas, there isnt such word.

until now that is. captain idiots moment of fame has arrived. cue dictionary definition...

wom + an + ism (wmnzm) n.
1. the art of when women says stupid, nonsense comments in voice or in their actions.
2. a stupid, nonsense comment made by a woman.
3. a completely incorrect statement made by a woman.
4. when a woman talks about a topic that she has no idea about.
5. when a woman is performing a task completely incorrectly.

so you know when your watching something on tv, and then a women decides she too will watch it and then says something really stupid, like "that was a good kick by batty" or "so how do you score in tennis" or "so is that a goal then?" yes? well that is a womanism. it happens all the time near me. im watching football (soccer to my american peeps), and a leeds player called batty made a sweet pass to viduka, and my brothers girlfriend makes the statement "that was a good kick by batty". which person has ever used the phrase "good kick"? you say "lovely ball" or "great pass" but never "good kick". in a penalty shoot out between man yoooooo and the gunners in the community shield, tim howard got his hand on the ball but couldnt prevent it from hitting the back of the net. my brothers girlfriend says "so it that a goal then?"... YES YOU FOOL! the ball is over the line, so guess what that means? i remember when wimbledon was on during the summer, she must have been watching a tim henman "epic" (i was being sarcastic) for about an hour and she then asks "so how do you score in tennis".... she must be the queen of womenism remarks.

mother idiot makes womanism remarks often too. like "wheres the eggs" when shes holding them. she always performs womanism actions when doing a bbq, or pouring a beer. everyone knows that you hold the glass at 45^o when pouring, yet she does the typical womanism thing by pouring it at an angle of 90^o. also, when me and my brothers talk bout wrestling, she decides to make football comments. when we talk bout football, she makes wrestling comments.

i decided i was going to keep track of the amount of womanism things i saw / heard today. im up to 24 and its only 4pm. count how many you see/hear in a day and see if you can set the world record which currently is mine of 53.

so yea.... go and rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

greeeeeeeeetings to all my peeps. isnt it great. i have the afternoon off college due to no lessons. everyone else i know has got atleast one lesson this afternoon. but hey, i dont. so im here, sat at my computer like i usually am doing the usual sweet f.a. this isnt gonna be a usual kinda blog, but just a list of things i wanna say. no time like the present to say them, so hey, lets start...... now

first things first. hello angry pete! angry pete inspired me to be a blogger. if i never stumbled across in the first place youd probably be looking at some indecent picture instead of reading this. ive taken stolen blog ideas from pete but hey, its all legal in the world of blogs. if you havent checked out his site you should. angry pete is a legend. the only problem is that ive probably cheered him up now so his blogs wont be angry. therefore i should say this on behalf of the world. angry pete is a fucking wanker. there, that should keep him angry for a bit longer. kudos to pete.

you may (or may not) have noticed that all my old posts from www.curse.50g.com have been added to this site. it took a fair bit of time copying and pasting, but they are all here. if you havent checked them out, please do. youd keep an idiot very happy.

if you read yesterdays blog about my four shot perfect rack on yahoo pool, youd know that i kicked ass. well the same feat almost happened again. this time against me. some flukey bastard almost got a four shot masterpiece. but they screwed up and scratched (pool technical term for "foul") whilst potting the black.

ive been downloading bowling for soup songs all week. i had two or three songs at one time, but someone seems to have deleted them all. damn you idiotic brothers. do i delete your stupid s club junior songs or your cacky steps songs.

on a similar note, download "c is for cookie" by the cookie monster. he may be a puppet but hes a lyric genius.

note to the gnome: never download hanson songs.

the conspiracy is officially over. i can get back on msn now, and even though im not supposed to be wearing hats, all but one teacher is not telling me to remove it. ive worn a hat during lesson for seven out of nine lessons. i will stop that stupid rule single handly. hats have feelings too. they are there to be worn not to be looked at. the same goes for t-shirts. whats offensive about "my barmaid gives good head"? nothing. its not on about sexual anitcs, its about the beer i can get at my local. die in hell you sad teachers with no sense of humour.

how the hell did peewee herman get a contract in the first place?

takeshis castle gets better and better. i stayed up til half two last night watching five episodes back to back to back to back to back. call me sad, but until youve seen it, its you who is missing out.

im creating another website for all these pictures that i have of my peeps on my hard drive. theres hundreds of them. theyll be online as soon as i can be arsed.

important notice: the future of the idiots rapidly growing beard is in jeopardy. mummy idiot want it to be removed. **gasp**. if you want it to stay the power is in your hands only. post a comment in reply to this blog saying you want to keep it. otherwise you will be reading a very sad and beardless idiot blog very soon.

im not a slave to a god who doesnt exist. im not a slave to a world that doesnt give a shit. inspirational words from marilyn manson. yes i listen to his music but that does not make me a goth or a punk. it makes me an idiot, but hey, tell me something i dont know.

finally women are putting some thought into their new music videos. sex does sell. ask rachel stevens in her lap dancing kind of new video, or lisa scott lees new one. and for the record, dido looks extra hot in her new video too (the one that has angel in).

captain idiot officially kicks ass at any dancing game for the playstation. why should i bother with college when im so multi-talented? maybe i should drop out now and become a famous singers dancers. maybe i could dance for christina aguilera and re-enact the kiss between her and madonna, except we can do the "extreme" reherseal.

im getting finger cramp so i better sign off here.

so yea.... go and rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot