The Idiots Blog

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

AN IDIOT DILEMMA

greetings to all my peeps. ive been busy making a website as of late. and now, i have, pretty much, the website complete... except for one part. the content. i have a website, but i dont know what im gonna do with it. do i fill it with junk and waste a perfectly good website? or should i try and be constructive and try and create a boneworld III (sad but true was boneworld II). ive entitled the website "word life", because... well its my website and i can do what i like. so if you have any ideas what to do with my site, drop a word or two.

well since i just got my new carpet fitted, im gonna go christen it by creating a few stains... red wine or jam?

so yea.... go and rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

Posted at 7:22 pm by captainidiot
Make a comment

A DOUBLE DOSE OF ICT FOR THE PEEPS

greetings to all my peeps. i thought id give you an insight into my double it lesson today. so here we go, this is what happened today.

10:38 ive just started to write this blog. it wont be very entertaining.
10:45 im taking the piss outta the gnome for failing his driving test. so is everyone else.
10:50 woohoo, new people are looking my site. ka-ching.
10:55 browny has started to listen to medieval music. yawn.
10:57 dr gnome and i are freaks for voting to listen to radiohead! freak power!
10:59 cue radiohead.
11:05 just got a timmy mallett wallpaper. its swell.
11:07 laughing at dr gnomes "life goals".
11:10 www.118experience.com - its the site im on
11:12 monitor off for "class discussion"
11:23 monitor on
11:26 sent file "freeporn.doc" to dr gnome... it wasnt porn, just a stupid filename.
11:28 i have an itchy nose.
11:29 laughing at colette dancing. off for break. toodeloo for five minutes....
11:38 im back... sorry im not five minutes later, (i took nine minutes to get back for those lame at maths like the gnome). it took me 18 darts to kill browny in a game of killer.
11:39 off to play fly helicopter at www.2dplay.com
11:41 its taking its time.... grrrrrr at slow computers.
11:46 had to stop playing or else my account would be disabled. for the first time in one hour and sixteen minutes, ive started doing the scheduled work.
11:47 stopped working... gonna mess around on the internet.
11:51 talk to mr thomas about my hat. apparently its changed from the "craig david" style of yesterday. i dont think this guy knows i have many hats.
12:01 gasp! ten minutes of work.... noooooooo! whats going on? and what is this shit im listening to now? damn my it class for having a bad taste in music.
12:06 shhh.... i gonna googlewhack in a moment. dont tell the teacher.
12:08 can someone please explain what a double-bendover reverse pretzel twist is?
12:11 mental note to myself: finish off work up to hardware something or other for friday. no doubt ill forget within the next five minutes.
12:13 tried my hardest to get this crap of the radio. but just like dr gnome did in his driving test, i failed.
12:17 im thinking that this lesson will never end. this music is really shit. i coulda sworn i heard this same song about three tracks earlier.
12:18 found out im listening to the kosheen album. my hint: stay well away. else you will suffer from death by music.
12:25 currently discussing what david blaine does when he needs to poop. trying to get a class trip to see the freak in a box. class trips rule!
12:28 what?! he had david gray all along? and weve been listening to kosheen. grrr
12:30 just sent my work home. technically the lesson is over, but i promised two hours of this... rambling, so two hours is what you'll get.
12:31 air conditioning has been turned on. it sounds like dr gnome on a motorbike.
12:32 munching on tescos thick 'n' crunchy ready salted crinkle cut crisps.
12:33 reading the ingredients on my crisps. someone has threatened to beat my high score on fly helicopter. yeah, as if that could ever happen.
12:34 logged in to blogdrive.com to post my blog.
12:35 gave my blog a title.
12:36 awaiting 12:37. watching dr gnome getting ready to blog.
12:37 awaiting 12:38
12:38 blog over

so yea... go rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

Posted at 12:38 pm by captainidiot
Make a comment

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

THE KNEE THAT HURT TOO MUCH TO BLOG

greetings to all my peeps. well this is as close as youre gonna get to a blog. my knees hurting a lot and the pain is stopping my brain putting together a blog that makes sense. tomorrows blog will be a lot better. a lot.

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

Posted at 9:51 pm by captainidiot
Make a comment

Monday, September 15, 2003

SATANS CURSED THE NEXT SEVEN DAYS FOR ME

song im currently listening to: rem - bad day

ok, its one of those weeks. i was eagerly awaiting the leeds match by viewing all the teletext/ceefax/sky interactive pages and found out that the ref of the match was jeff winter. hes a local lad, comes from the mean streets of ... stockton. however, he hates leeds. the game tonight was a true reflection of this. ok, leeds played crap and lost 4-0 (and all their goals were good - no im not making excuses check them out if you dont believe me), but jeff winter was sooooo biased towards the foxes, i mean everytime leicester were offside hed wait half an hour before pulling them up for our freekicks. but when we were caught offside he was sharp and on the spot. leeds made 11 fouls and got 2 bookings. they made 10 fouls and got 0 bookings. wheres the logic? i feel an angry letter coming to my employees - the fa. jeff winter brings a bad name to all referees. sometimes im ashamed to be associated with him. better not go too over the top, i might be reffing with him some day in which i will cast a black mark on my pointless life. yea, im gonna go take my fury out on ansem (the last boss on kingdom hearts for the ps2 - the one full of all the disney characters - its not a childrens game). toodleoo.

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

Posted at 10:29 pm by captainidiot
Make a comment

PASS - NEXT QUESTION

song im listening to right now: d-ream - thing can only get better

greetings to all my peeps. you know those days when you know your going to blog, get already to blog, have a good theme in mind and get into some serious blogging? you do? well i dont. well atleast not today. todays being knackering. the only hilghight of the day is that in three and a bit hours david "the beast" batty will be kicking the shiite out of leicester city at the crisp bowl. as the song suggests, things can only get better. quite fitting for today me thinks. too much stress on the old brains. it also doesnt help that i have a full day at college tomorrow, and have three pieces of homework to do sometime tonight around midnight. its gonna be one of "them" weeks.

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

Posted at 4:27 pm by captainidiot
Make a comment

Sunday, September 14, 2003

OFFICIAL DECLARATION

song im listening to right now: the darkness - i believe in a thing called love

greetings to all my peeps. so i've finally proved the gray theory. via msn messenger we were able to find someone who knew someone famous. heres the chain of email addresses: captain_idiot@hotmail.com, evilsock111@hotmail.com, ymamad1234@hotmail.com, cosmic_fool9@msn.com, jazzbo_the_jellybean@hotmail.com, cry_black_tears_@hotmail.com, hpeter66@hotmail.com and then devils_daughta@hotmail.com. the last person we talked knew both people from good charlotte and busted. so i know someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone famous. and that someone famous will surely know many other famous people. so i officially declare that the gray theory is a success and that in a few years time, i captain idiot, via this route of people, will meet famous people. it will happen.

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

Posted at 5:29 pm by captainidiot
Make a comment

Saturday, September 13, 2003

BLAH

greetings to all my peeps. i dont have another free sunday until december 28th now. damn me for being a ref. damn me for being a good ref. if i was a bad ref i might have the odd sunday off. but no, im so damn good im booked all season. why couldnt i have a normal night job in which i can i have lie-ins? i mean ive gotta be up at 9 am. nine am? i stuggle to get up at 10 am on weekends. i sleepwalk my self to college on weekdays. grrrrrrrrrr....

i apologise for this lame rambling of a blog. ill make sure tomorrows is a lot more coherent.

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

Posted at 11:29 pm by captainidiot
Make a comment

Friday, September 12, 2003

THE LESSER FAQS

greetings to all my peeps. well nothing too fancy today. just 50 random questions that i took from a website. enjoy.

1. your name spelled backwards? toidi niatpac.
2. where were your parents born? york and scarbourgh.
3. what is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? an mp3 song. yes, im a law breaker.
4. what�s your favorite restaurant? central park (in middlesbrough).
5. last time you swam in a pool? jeez... in march on holiday.
6. have you ever been in a school play? aye.
7. how many kids do you want? what now? none. in the future? as many as possible with as many different women as possible.
8. type of music you dislike most? dance shiite.
9. are you registered to vote? yes i am now.
10. do you have digital tv? yes.
11. have you ever ridden on a moped? yup.
12. ever prank call anybody? only when im bored or pissed off with someone.
13. ever get a parking ticket? can i drive yet?.
14. would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? ooooooh yes.
15. furthest place you ever traveled? toronto
16. do you have a garden? yes.
17. whats your favorite comic strip? i dont read comics no more. i should though. very educational.
18. do you really know all the words to your national anthem? sadly i do. but i prefer to hum. unless england footy team is playing to which i belt out the words ian wright stylio.
19. bath or shower, morning or night? showers, morning, baths, night.
20. best movie youve seen in the past month? erm... forest gump was on the other night. thats always good to watch.
21. favorite pizza topping? sweetcorn.
22. crisps or popcorn? toffee flavoured popcorn.
23. what color lipstick do you usually wear? ahem. me lipstick? next please.
24. have you ever smoked peanut shells? i dont smoke anything.
25. have you ever been in a beauty pageant? im toooooo beatiful for them.
26. orange juice or apple? too healthy for my liking. i prefer moo juice. or better yet, beer!
27. who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine? my cousin at joe riggitonis
28. favorite type chocolate bar? terrys chocolate orange bars
29. when was the last time you voted at the polls? i have never voted ... yet
30. last time you ate a homegrown tomato? pass, a tomatos a tomato. i wouldnt know the difference.
31. have you ever won a trophy? many.
32. are you a good cook? depends what im cooking.
33. do you know how to pump your own petrol? yes (who doesnt?)
34. ever order an article from an commercial? ive wanted to, but no i have not.
35. sprite or 7-up? i drinking 7-up right now.
36. have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? if you call a ref kit a uniform.
37. last thing you bought at a pharmacy? some shit for my stress... no wait that was on prescription... those mini-recorder sweet things that play music.
38. favorite thing to do before bedtime? watch tv.
39. ever throw up in public? no, but ive been thrown up on before in public on nights out drinking
40. would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love? damn these hard questions.
41. do you believe in love at first sight? no.
42. ever call a sex line? no.
43. can exs be friends? ex and friends contradict. next.
44. who was the last person you visited in a hospital? the doctor.
45. did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby? i still do.
46. what message is on your answering machine? "hello - leave a message".
47. whos your favourite south park character? cartman.
48. what was the name of your first pet? holly i think, i was two i cant remember.
49. what is in your wallet? not sure, but i can guarantee theres no money there.
50. what is one thing you are grateful for today? women.

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

Posted at 11:03 pm by captainidiot
Make a comment

Thursday, September 11, 2003

A FEW SHORT STORIES

greetings to all my peeps. a few stories to tell you about today, all of which occurred today.

i had a question in my interview today about "what music do you enjoy listening to?" now if i said lemon jelly i would bet a ten pound note that she would have either said a) who the fuck are they? or b) no i said music not food. i had to improvise. quickly. i said i listened to rock. the interviewer then gave me a lecture about her experience of the last umpteen glastonbury festivals. big mistake. she whittled away for twenty odd minutes whilst i nodded in my almost sleep. why couldnt i have said i liked pop?

now, after my interview i had to wait a long time to be picked up. i was hungry. i got a mcdonalds. i then stood outside staples awaiting my pickup eat my fries when atleast seven, yes seven, sets of townies thought they would be comical and asked me "for a chip". i just stared at them. yea, as if i would ever offer them a chip. it makes me angry when they think theyre funny. theyre not. theyre also uneducated losers who think they are hard because they wear adidas tracksuits and have an earring. woooo. write that on your cv. then came a mid-aged couple who also thought theyd pop that original joke of "give us a chip". i was totally pissed off. i gave them a chip... by throwing it at them along with the words "here, have a fucking chip then".

i would like to apologise sincerely to the victim of the above paragraph. it was a crime that i would waste a chip at the expense of others. to all my chip peeps, it was a one off. it will never happen again. im sorry chips.

also, in light humour that only i will find funny, i stopped a police car in action today. at first three police cars came flashing i was curious. then came a forth. i was very curious. i spotted a fifth heading towards me about 500 yards away. i was near some traffic lights. i pressed the button. the lights went red. i started to cross. the police car was getting near. it had to slow down since i was mid-crossing the road. as i finished crossing, i took a glance over my shoulder to see the police car at an almost standstill. i laughed. i dont think they saw the funny side.

by the way, i didnt neeeeeeed to cross the road. in fact as soon as the police car was out of sight, i recrossed the road. mmm.

and that was a few short stories from your favourite idiot.

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

Posted at 10:07 pm by captainidiot
Make a comment

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

A MINI APOLOGY

greetings to all my peeps. ok. so i said england would win and beckham would get booked and that he would cry. i told you that it would happen.

it didnt happen. im "sorry"

ok? happy now. im wrong. its a first. its not end-of-the-world wrong, but hey, your-shoe-is-on-the-wrong-foot kinda wrong. like i told you, no one perfect but im the closest thing to it. now that is true. that is a fact, knowledge is the bomb and i thank you.

and hey, beckham had tears in his eyes at one time. so i was slightly right.

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

Posted at 10:38 pm by captainidiot
Make a comment