greetings to all my peeps. im going to pick a random imood now and im going to be that mood for the entire week...

and the imood says...

dementful

he he he. this is going to be fun. note to all my peeps: never trust an idiot (atleast for this week)

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

greetings to all my peeps. now i havent done a pointless blog full of stupid little things for a while, so ill do one today...

58 hours and 33 minutes after starting kingdom hearts and im one blue trinity mark, one torn page and a few syncronised items away - as well as killing ansem - from completing the game. mmm...

went to the dentist today and its amazing how some people get employed. she told me today "its good to see that your retainers are doing a good job - your teeth are getting along nicely." i nodded. i have never worn my retainer.

my mum and dad went out last night. both came back drunk and my mum started puking. i felt so adult when i told her if she boffed anymore in my house she would have to tied the mess up before sending both of them to bed.

its amazing how far one dip can go. i bought some dorito dip on wednesday and seven packets of family sized crisps later its still kicking. i think i must have bought the never ending jar of dip.

bedroom is almost finally finished. shelves are up, wires connected. all thats left is one or two minor things like the border and painting over some light patches. i moved stella (the fridge) back in today full with a new stash of john smiths. i guarantee that wont last long.

i have severe back problems. i dont need a doc to tell me that. i think its the way i slouch.

ive noticed many a connection between myself and garfield the cat. i mean were both lazy, plump, love food, get others to do the stuff we hate and usually moody. now ive got some garfield socks, but the big question is does garfield have some captain idiot socks? if you spot garfield with some idiot socks, photograph him and send them to me. i will be very grateful.

im gagging for a shit

angry pete called dr gnome a son of a bitch in a recent blog. i have never laughed so much.

im impressed with the standard of daily babes on my website at the moment. however can i please inform dr gnome that todays person on http://www.randomrack.50g.com/x.htm is stephanie mcmahon from wwe. i know shes hot an' all, but i thought you didnt like wrestling any more gnomey....

mmm.... speaking of the daily babes, i might try and get one on this site.... fingers crossed...

when was the last time you went to sleep in a set of clothes, woke up, couldnt be arsed to get changed and so wore the same clothes again the next day? ive done that today. my dad says theres a fuzzy smell around the house, but im blaming my mum for being sick for that smell..... ill shower later me thinks.

paint is dry now so ill go do the next layer, so ill sign off for now.

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

greetings to all my peeps. well peeps, i have found out what the most depressing thing in the entire world is. logging on to find that no body else on your contact lists is online. i mean i have about fifty peeps on my msn contact list and a fair amount on my aol buddy list. so how come when i logged on about ten to twenty minutes ago there was nobody on line. and whats worse is that nobody is still online. whats wrong with all you people? is a social life going to affect your careers? no, but spending quality time with captain idiot could greatly assist your future goals. and hell, captain idiot has a reputation that is far greater than anyone else. spending a night online chatting with me would improve your rep more than a night on the town. people people people. get your priorities right. idiot first, alcohol second. luckily i dont fall into this category so for me its alcohol first. but when your captain idiot everythings good... apart from logging on to no contacts....

i think ill shut up now

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

greetings to all my peeps. take tomatoes (70%), tomato puree, green peppers, water, onions, jalapeno peppers (3%), vinegar, salt, sugar, garlic powder and spieces. add three packs of tesco salt and vinegar twirls. damn thats one deadly combination. when you see me devour this, stay well away from my backside... which you be should be doing in the first place. i know the doritos extra hot salsa dip (thats what all the ingredients were by the way) was supposed to be hot, but youchie... its not the hottest thing ive had, but its up there somewhere. theres also the thing about some dip dripping on my crotch. ill be smelling of salsa dip for the next couple of days.

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life
captain idiot

greetings to all my peeps. wow, a third post in a day. that extra hot salsa dip certainly works for me... anyway, what you are about to read is a "mature" conversation from one half of my it class of last year. please note that a) i was not involved b) even dr gnomes attempts of stopping this "conversation" failed c) two of the people involved failed the course. read it and weep. literally.

Keith : Keith sat in the dusty common room (Dagsa, still had not cleaned it yet!!). He saw Gromit, the wonder dog. He kicked Gromit in the shinns
Spud : Spud walked in and saw keith, Shot him in the face. The End of Keith
Keith : Luckily Keith was wairing protective clothing. The bulit had not gon through. Keith kicked spud.
Spud : Spud retaliates with a super dooper death ray, aimed straight towards keith who is unable to move out of the way and dies a thousand deaths.
Keith : Luckily Keith has over 1001 lives so he survives.
Smurf : Smurf walks in and throws a sack of potatoes at keith and then prods him with an umbrella.
Spud : Spud sees smurf dispose of keith and laughs, then using his magical portable FOAM machine drowns smurf in a sea of fluffy foam. oops......
Gromituk2k : Just then a girl wearing a bikini walks past the window, spud gets distracted, and forgets to trun the foam machine off. 5 years, 2 months, 4 weeks, 2 days, 1 hour, 56 mins and 34 seconds later then whole world is full of foam, ewveryone is trapped in it, so trapped people can only move to breath. Therefore everyone is stuck in the exact same place untill they die, which with out water is about 4 days.
Spud : But then after a flash of inspiration spud stops the machine in order to help the bikini clad woman who by now is very wet...... he suggests tht in order to dry off she remove the bikini and kindly offers to help... dim the lights you can guess the rest .
Spud : as the bikini is slowly removed, keith returns from the dead only to be so shocked at the sight of a female body that he dies instantly never to return.
Gromituk2k : If spud getts any more carried away we will have to cencer bits out . Remember spud there is little people reading this.
Spud : sorry smurf i appologise for any offence
Keith : Keith's Ghost came back and posessed Gromit. He made Gromit drop a bomb on where Spud and Smurf were, killing them instantly.
EvilSock : Killed keiths ghost and banished him 2 hell where he could NEVER return and if he came back he would be sent back instantly! THE END!!!
Keith : A ghost can not be killed. Ghosts are already dead!
Spud : Spud got a giant hoover and hoovered keith into it no matter wot, keith cannot escape. EVER!!! understand?
Keith : I have an anti-hooverable layer so you can not do that!

............

............

greetings to all my peeps. tis me again. ive just realised that many things currently in my head have two things in common. the letter w and the number 2. baffled? let me explain...

i got my watch back today. i put it in to be fixed two days ago. the last time i wore it was two years ago when i broke it. note: watch and two days/years.

i need two more websites to put under my "links" section on my website. note: website and two more.

are there any logic women out there? if these two women in particular had any logic bones or muscles in their bodies they would have realised by now that it is not me who is screwing them like a ... screw (?), but someone else. go figure ladies. wake up and smell the cocoa. note: women. two of them.

ive just stopped eating a second bar of white chocolate. note: white, second bar.

im wishing for a leeds win tonight. david batty is playing, hell hes starting for the first time since two thousand and two, and my prediction is a two nil win. you might think that this two was brought on too easily, but hey, it will happen. it will be leeds 2 - 0 swindon. and if we do win tonight, that will be our second win of the season. note: wishing, win, two thousand and two, two-nil, two wins.

this is my second blog today... note: second. what? i havent mentioned the letter w? dude, its wednesday. note: wednesday

excuse me whilst i scream....

aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

this my peeps, is freaking me out.... im now officially scared of the number two and the letter w. beware of them. dont say i didnt warn you.

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life
captain idiot

greetings to all my peeps. not gonna be a long blog today for many reasons, mainly because im working on my site. anyway, not much to tell you to be honest, except for the fact that next year im gonna run the great north run... wait... me... run? maybe not....

im off to beat something up, no doubt my younger brother the victim of many an attack whilst i am in a pissed off state.

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

greetings to all my peeps. how come when you watch a movie on tv, they either take a break when its just getting interesting or never take a break when you desperately need a whizz. jeez man, i had to hold my urine desperatley for a good solid twenty minutes whilst watching passenger 57 on c5 just then. whats with all the good movies all of a sudden? hey, im not complaining, roll on gone in 60 seconds on wednesday. top movie. angelina jolie is hot in that movie, and cage kicks ass too. i saw this movie bout 20 times in my hotel in norway, but pah, ill still watch it.

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

greetings to all my peeps on the so called 'holy day' of the week. so heres a not so holy topic...

but first....

anyone notice how water bottles have become trendy? i didnt really notice it today when i was coming home from refereeing, but tonnes off people had one. its like the new cigarette craze, but without all the cancer. which i guess could be looked at as a good thing. unless you like cancer.
i for one have to say im not actually a big fan of cancer. i lost my grandad to lung cancer. i guess dieing a slow painful death just isnt my style.
but, you know what is my style!
well ill tell you!

cue an aol conversation i had...

captainidiot: you know probably no one has ever eaten shit. what if shit tastes good or is the cure to cancer or aids or summat?
captainidiot: flies eat shit they dont get cancer
bob: how do you know?
captainidiot: there are no hairless flies around
captainidiot: yep just bought my ticket to hell
captainidiot: see ya there bob
bob: YES! another one coming with me!
captainidiot: i hope i meet hitler in hell
bob: hitler never liked fat people though
captainidiot: youre screwed too then.
 
then very shortly, and spookily coinsidently after, i saw this picture

if the pic didnt load or work, the url is http://www.allfunpix.com/humor/pics4/hitler_jerkin.jpg

i  think this is supposed to make me not jerk off to internet porn, but to tell you the truth it just isnt going to stop me. dont let it stop you either. even all those females that probably dont jerk off to internet porn. to prove it wrong, everyone start jerking off to internet porn.

note: this site is not considered ‘internet porn’ so please stop jerking off.

so yea.... go ryb your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot