The Idiots Blog

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

WELCOME TO HELL

greetings to all my peeps. wow, a third post in a day. that extra hot salsa dip certainly works for me... anyway, what you are about to read is a "mature" conversation from one half of my it class of last year. please note that a) i was not involved b) even dr gnomes attempts of stopping this "conversation" failed c) two of the people involved failed the course. read it and weep. literally.

Keith : Keith sat in the dusty common room (Dagsa, still had not cleaned it yet!!). He saw Gromit, the wonder dog. He kicked Gromit in the shinns
Spud : Spud walked in and saw keith, Shot him in the face. The End of Keith
Keith : Luckily Keith was wairing protective clothing. The bulit had not gon through. Keith kicked spud.
Spud : Spud retaliates with a super dooper death ray, aimed straight towards keith who is unable to move out of the way and dies a thousand deaths.
Keith : Luckily Keith has over 1001 lives so he survives.
Smurf : Smurf walks in and throws a sack of potatoes at keith and then prods him with an umbrella.
Spud : Spud sees smurf dispose of keith and laughs, then using his magical portable FOAM machine drowns smurf in a sea of fluffy foam. oops......
Gromituk2k : Just then a girl wearing a bikini walks past the window, spud gets distracted, and forgets to trun the foam machine off. 5 years, 2 months, 4 weeks, 2 days, 1 hour, 56 mins and 34 seconds later then whole world is full of foam, ewveryone is trapped in it, so trapped people can only move to breath. Therefore everyone is stuck in the exact same place untill they die, which with out water is about 4 days.
Spud : But then after a flash of inspiration spud stops the machine in order to help the bikini clad woman who by now is very wet...... he suggests tht in order to dry off she remove the bikini and kindly offers to help... dim the lights you can guess the rest .
Spud : as the bikini is slowly removed, keith returns from the dead only to be so shocked at the sight of a female body that he dies instantly never to return.
Gromituk2k : If spud getts any more carried away we will have to cencer bits out . Remember spud there is little people reading this.
Spud : sorry smurf i appologise for any offence
Keith : Keith's Ghost came back and posessed Gromit. He made Gromit drop a bomb on where Spud and Smurf were, killing them instantly.
EvilSock : Killed keiths ghost and banished him 2 hell where he could NEVER return and if he came back he would be sent back instantly! THE END!!!
Keith : A ghost can not be killed. Ghosts are already dead!
Spud : Spud got a giant hoover and hoovered keith into it no matter wot, keith cannot escape. EVER!!! understand?
Keith : I have an anti-hooverable layer so you can not do that!

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............

............

im speechless. could you people be anymore white trash ? the next time i hear anything like this again will be the day i kill myself and get full admission to party with satan for eternity.

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

Posted at 7:15 pm by captainidiot
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TODAYS BLOG WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTER W AND BY THE NUMBER 2

greetings to all my peeps. tis me again. ive just realised that many things currently in my head have two things in common. the letter w and the number 2. baffled? let me explain...

i got my watch back today. i put it in to be fixed two days ago. the last time i wore it was two years ago when i broke it. note: watch and two days/years.

i need two more websites to put under my "links" section on my website. note: website and two more.

are there any logic women out there? if these two women in particular had any logic bones or muscles in their bodies they would have realised by now that it is not me who is screwing them like a ... screw (?), but someone else. go figure ladies. wake up and smell the cocoa. note: women. two of them.

ive just stopped eating a second bar of white chocolate. note: white, second bar.

im wishing for a leeds win tonight. david batty is playing, hell hes starting for the first time since two thousand and two, and my prediction is a two nil win. you might think that this two was brought on too easily, but hey, it will happen. it will be leeds 2 - 0 swindon. and if we do win tonight, that will be our second win of the season. note: wishing, win, two thousand and two, two-nil, two wins.

this is my second blog today... note: second. what? i havent mentioned the letter w? dude, its wednesday. note: wednesday

excuse me whilst i scream....

aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

this my peeps, is freaking me out.... im now officially scared of the number two and the letter w. beware of them. dont say i didnt warn you.

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life
captain idiot

Posted at 6:26 pm by captainidiot
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ALL THE FUSS FOR ONE SONG

greetings to all my peeps. ive just be called stupid. thank you to that person for calling me stupid. why am i stupid? because i use winmx to theive my songs from the tinternet does not make me stupid. why should i use kazaa? so the cops can access my files easier? no. im the clever one. i use winmx to download songs. yes it might be harder, yes they might take longer, but am i stupid for not using kazaa? no. in fact you are stupid for using kazaa. the day the cops come and bust yo ass for using kazaa to download illegal songs is the day i become one happy idiot. i dont care how long it will take me to find this one song on winmx, i will find it. so shut your stupid little mouth up and realise that winmx is better than kazaa because i said so. full stop, bottom line, end of conversation, whatever, nuff said.

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

Posted at 4:00 pm by captainidiot
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Tuesday, September 23, 2003

SCREW THE GNOME, IM THE PISSED OFF IDIOT

greetings to all my peeps. not gonna be a long blog today for many reasons, mainly because im working on my site. anyway, not much to tell you to be honest, except for the fact that next year im gonna run the great north run... wait... me... run? maybe not....

im off to beat something up, no doubt my younger brother the victim of many an attack whilst i am in a pissed off state.

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

Posted at 5:50 pm by captainidiot
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Monday, September 22, 2003

THE MOVIE PROBLEM

greetings to all my peeps. how come when you watch a movie on tv, they either take a break when its just getting interesting or never take a break when you desperately need a whizz. jeez man, i had to hold my urine desperatley for a good solid twenty minutes whilst watching passenger 57 on c5 just then. whats with all the good movies all of a sudden? hey, im not complaining, roll on gone in 60 seconds on wednesday. top movie. angelina jolie is hot in that movie, and cage kicks ass too. i saw this movie bout 20 times in my hotel in norway, but pah, ill still watch it.

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

Posted at 10:38 pm by captainidiot
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Sunday, September 21, 2003

YOURE JERKING OFF WITH HITLER!

greetings to all my peeps on the so called 'holy day' of the week. so heres a not so holy topic...

but first....

anyone notice how water bottles have become trendy? i didnt really notice it today when i was coming home from refereeing, but tonnes off people had one. its like the new cigarette craze, but without all the cancer. which i guess could be looked at as a good thing. unless you like cancer.
i for one have to say im not actually a big fan of cancer. i lost my grandad to lung cancer. i guess dieing a slow painful death just isnt my style.
but, you know what is my style!
well ill tell you!

cue an aol conversation i had...

captainidiot: you know probably no one has ever eaten shit. what if shit tastes good or is the cure to cancer or aids or summat?
captainidiot: flies eat shit they dont get cancer
bob: how do you know?
captainidiot: there are no hairless flies around
captainidiot: yep just bought my ticket to hell
captainidiot: see ya there bob
bob: YES! another one coming with me!
captainidiot: i hope i meet hitler in hell
bob: hitler never liked fat people though
captainidiot: youre screwed too then.

then very shortly, and spookily coinsidently after, i saw this picture

if the pic didnt load or work, the url is http://www.allfunpix.com/humor/pics4/hitler_jerkin.jpg

i think this is supposed to make me not jerk off to internet porn, but to tell you the truth it just isnt going to stop me. dont let it stop you either. even all those females that probably dont jerk off to internet porn. to prove it wrong, everyone start jerking off to internet porn.

note: this site is not considered �internet porn� so please stop jerking off.

so yea.... go ryb your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

Posted at 9:49 pm by captainidiot
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Saturday, September 20, 2003

A STIUPD BOLG

gregetins to all my pepes...
accdornig to a rseearcher at an enlgsih uinervtisy, it deosnt mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pclae. the rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. amzanig huh? on wtih teh sohw!

so yea.... go rub yuor miagc lmap
wrod lfie and out
cpaitan iiodt

Posted at 7:58 pm by captainidiot
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Friday, September 19, 2003

HOUSE PLANNING

greetings to all my peeps. well, only a miniblog for now, because im designing my dream house. you know, the house that every kid wants to live in, but only one in a billion will actually have. luckily for me, im that one in a billion. no, im not that kid yet, but once everyone starts buying my super inventions, people will be offering me money for them to kiss my ass. so anyway, im house planning. ill show you my dream house blueprints with an explanation or two once im confirmed all the plans with myself.

so yea.... go and rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

Posted at 5:39 pm by captainidiot
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Thursday, September 18, 2003

HOLY MOTHER OF FU�K

greetings to all my peeps. earth shattering news... your favourite idiot has been told that he is getting his driving test booked tonight. that means that very shortly your favourite idiot could be behind the wheel of a car.... parents, keep your children off the road.

so yea.... go rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

Posted at 2:50 pm by captainidiot
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Wednesday, September 17, 2003

AN IDIOT DILEMMA

greetings to all my peeps. ive been busy making a website as of late. and now, i have, pretty much, the website complete... except for one part. the content. i have a website, but i dont know what im gonna do with it. do i fill it with junk and waste a perfectly good website? or should i try and be constructive and try and create a boneworld III (sad but true was boneworld II). ive entitled the website "word life", because... well its my website and i can do what i like. so if you have any ideas what to do with my site, drop a word or two.

well since i just got my new carpet fitted, im gonna go christen it by creating a few stains... red wine or jam?

so yea.... go and rub your magic lamp
word life and out
captain idiot

Posted at 7:22 pm by captainidiot
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